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Here's my project:
Here's my project:
Creation Stories: In the Beginning
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| Samsara: wandering, referring to the cyclicality of life, matter, and existence |
Hi Abby! I love creation stories, so this is just great! I also really like how you start with Lakshmi asking the question "Why is it that no one really worships Brahma, do you think?" This is a interesting topic. The fact that Brahma is the creator god and one of the three primary deities in all of Hinduism, yet he is one that has fallen by the wayside of importance and relevance is truly fascinating. I absolutely love your description of Saraswati and her wisdom by saying she has a "tendency to think both widely and deeply about topics, caring more about the pondering than the conclusion." That last part especially, "caring more about the pondering than the conclusion" is just tremendous! It reminds me of Frank Turner's song "The Ballad of Me and My Friends" and specifically the lyric --
ReplyDelete"But if you're all about the destination, then take a f-ing flight.
We're going nowhere slowly, but we're seeing all the sights."
My one suggestion would be to add an Author's Note, explaining some of your thoughts and reasoning behind this specific story and the project as a whole. Otherwise this is great stuff!
Hey Abby! I really liked the image you have picked for the homepage, I think it does a great job of bringing everything together. I also like how you included a little information on the homepage. I love how you've set up your introduction. Since you've made it a story, it makes it seem more mysterious and interesting for the reader. There adds a bit of fantasy for your project and immediately pulls people into the story. I also like how you gave each of the women in your story a personality, even if it's just based on a single word. Amazing job! The only thing I might suggest is adding an author's note that gives a quick summary of what your project is about and why you've chosen the topic you've chosen, just to help the readers out a bit. Other than that, I really like your project and can't wait to see what else you put on your web page!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! Let me first say that the way your storybook is laid out makes it easy to use while also being interesting to look at. I really love the images that you choose to include. I cannot wait to read the other pages of your storybook. I am hoping that it will provide more information on this trio of women that you introduce to us. Using dialogue as an introduction was confusing for me at first but at the end it was very clear that these women were about to tell some very interesting creation stories. You may want to add something in the beginning that makes it more clear what these women are doing. I wonder if the creation stories will tie back to these three women? That would be a very creative way to introduce some of your characters before even starting your story. I really enjoyed your introduction. Good luck with the rest of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! I really like how you started off your introduction to your storybook with dialogue. It really helped to engage me as a reader. The question you ask -- "Why is it that no one really worships Brahma, do you think?" -- is a really good way to get the reader thinking about the answer to this question as you start to lead them toward it through the conversation. Also, I liked the meta aspect of your intro, as the characters in your story acknowledge that some stories are different and not all (or any) are true. This is a cool way to clue your reader into the fact that you are telling a story as well, and that the reader can make of it what they will. I think your banner image is cool, too. Samsara is a really cool idea to work with along with the idea of creation.
ReplyDeleteHey Abby! I love your introduction picture! It is so pretty, and it helps starts my thoughts about your story. I really enjoyed how you started off your story with dialogue. The early introduction to your characters and their personalities will give you so much time to develop them! It can be kinda confusing though, so you might want to add some more personal details so it is easier to follow. But, once you add an author's note it will likely help tremendously. You did such a great job though! It's so creative!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby, I guess I'll start off by saying I loved your introduction! I'm also a big fan of having a story be the introduction; it helps set the mood for the rest of the book and avoids "meta" talk. The Tridevi are characters I have not heard of and your story/author's note does a great job of introducing them and the stories they will tell! Indian creation has so many different aspects that are all super interesting so I'm excited to see them from the perspective of the Tridevi. What if at some point the Trimurti were to come in and argue with the Tridevi? I think that would be an interesting scene! One comment that I've said to others is make your cover image bigger! It looks like such a beautiful and intricate painting that would really draw the reader in if it was fully displayed! Also, your image of the Tridevi complements your story well!
ReplyDeleteHi, Abby! I really like that your introduction starts off with a quote. It engages the reader in the story right off of the bat. I thought the use of a question helped to notify the reader of the overall theme of the storybook in a unique and intriguing way. Your different verbs for speaking are really wonderful as well. I especially like the phrase, “chimed in”. I think your use of dialogue is absolutely wonderful. That being said, the constant use of dialogue can make the story seem a bit choppy at times. Maybe you could discuss aspects of their conversation and/ or characters outside of just the dialogue. For example, you could go into more detail about how they feel about what they are discussing, or you could go into detail about their reactions about what is being said. Overall, I think you have a really interesting story and I really love that you chose to tell your storybook through the perspective of the female goddesses! I am looking forward to reading more throughout the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Abby,
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your story I was a bit confused because I thought you were immediately going into a story. It was not until the last few lines that I realized what you were doing. I had it in mind that I was going to critique you on this aspect, but once I read the authors note, I absolutely loved the choice you made. It was almost as if it was a story within a story. Having three different narrators for each story will give variety in each story and it will also give insight into each of the narrators characters based on how they tell them. I am excited to see the stories you tell. One critique that I do have is that the three narrators could use an introduction. It is the introduction page so this would be a great place to tell more about each of the characters so we know who they are and who to expect.
Hi Abby!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was different than a lot of the others that I have read so far, and I don't think that is a bad thing! I liked that you made the intro a bit of a story itself and used a conversation as your intro. You were able to mix in information without just listing what your storybook would be about. I also really enjoyed your first story "The Golden Egg". It read almost poetic in nature and had a very calm tone to it as I read through. Your use of telling the reader what to imagine really did help me picture it in my head. I think it is great that your started your storybook with the story of creation. It is an important story in every culture and definitely the beginning of future "creation stories". Cant wait to read more of your stories as the semester goes on!
Hey Abby, I enjoyed reading your introduction and the first story of your storybook! I loved how you opened up your introduction with a question because personally, it reeled me in and made me wonder what was going to happen next. I liked how you made your introduction a story as well; it gives your storybook a sense of fluidity and flows from your introduction to your stories. I am excited to read the other stories you come up with and how these characters will narrate based off of their personalities. However, I think it would be nice if you had more background on the goddesses personality because I could not tell they had certain personalities until I read your author's note. Overall, I like where you are going with your storybook, so keep up with the good work! I cannot wait to read the other stories you come up with.
ReplyDeleteHello Abby,
ReplyDeleteI really like the introduction that you created. I think that saying we create our own realities inside of a bigger reality really hit home. I think it was beautifully written without giving away too much. I also love how you paint a very vivid picture of nothingness which can be very hard for some people to do. You did it flawlessly and made me think of things that make up the universe in a new light. I wish that you would have given Svayambhu the same description that you gave to describing the very beginning of the world. I also think there could be more theatrics behind the egg. Like separating the cracking sound from the rest of the text to give it as big of an emphasis on that being the first sound of the universe. Kind of like how you changed the text style and font when the egg song came on. Overall great story and it has a lot of potential.
Hi Abby, I like how your stories evolve and how the introduction leads up to the story. The introduction where you start with the slow starting and then lead up to a mystery is very intriguing. I also like the way you have designed your page as it adds to the whole depiction of how the story should be set. I like the pictures and descriptions that were used in this storybook since they make the story more lively and makes it more interesting to read and go through. I like the topic you have chosen for your storybook and cannot wait to read the rest of your stories since your introduction and this project have been interesting. The dialogue really helped make the reader more involved and allowed the audience to be a part of the story starting from the introduction itself. One thing I would comment on to make better or something that would be easier to understand the next time you make a story would be the fact that there could be some emotion or dynamic of the story.
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! Right away, I love your writing style. The way you describe anything is so vivid and detailed. I really appreciated that. I enjoy creation tales and the way you introduced us to the Tridevi was great. I don’t know as much about the female counterparts, I’m excited to see where you take this. I like that you explained each of their components in the notes, accounting for the possibility that the reader might not know about them. The image you chose represents them perfectly. In the future, you might want to watch out for possible confusion in the reader not knowing the background information. If you handle your other stories like your introduction, I don’t think it will be of any concern! Your webpage is nice and visually interesting. It’s also easy to navigate. You have a great project! I look forward to seeing more stories from you!
ReplyDeleteAbby, you have such a way with story-telling! The topic you have chosen, creationism, along with electing to use the Tridevi rather than the Trimurti as a lens with which to read about the three different versions of this origin tale is genius. I love how you married their characteristics to the different interpretations of creation- so clever! Despite these stories of creationism being so popular, you have such an originality to your own here. One thing, I wonder if you know how to change the link button to have the title of your story? Currently, the tab says "Page 1" but maybe you can look into how to customize this to reflect the story title if you so choose. I loved "The Golden Egg," Lakshmi makes a great narrator for this story on account of as you described in your Author's note on the Introduction page, her relationship to materialism and fortune. One suggestion I would make is a simple formatting one. Where you have the song lyrics, perhaps you could keep the italics but keep the font the same size. This is all personal preference though! It's just about the only recommendation I can fathom since you've done such a fantastic job so far.
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! This was my first Indian Epics storybook/project to read, and you really set the bar high! You are such a talented writer and you do such a great job at explaining the story. In the introduction, I really appreciated how you used dialogue to introduce your story. I think this made it very easy to read and follow along with. In your story "The Golden Egg," I liked the cover photo. I also really liked how you made the font of the song smaller. Instead of putting the song in quotations or just writing it normally, I think the way you did it made the song stand out. Formatting plays a huge role in online storytelling, and in your story I think you really utilized this point. I am so excited that I got to read your story and I can't wait to keep up with your project throughout the rest of the semester. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Abby! I want to first say that this is my first time visiting your page and also visiting your story book! I really liked the layout of your story book project. The layout was easy to navigate and the picture you used as your cover photo was also very clear making the home page neatly put together. I love that you have an intro story that sets the overall theme for your project. I thought the theme you chose for your project was really creative and exciting. I think it is really cool when the female counterparts to main male characters in stories get told. I like seeing what perspectives you give to each of them. I always think it is fun to read stories about the characters who do not get their perspectives told as much. I think this story book will be really fun to expand on. Overall, I thought it was great. I will be bookmarking so I can follow to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby,
ReplyDeleteYou have a great intro to start off your story book! I agree that every creation has its own story and thus a different narration is needed to thoroughly portray it. I also really appreciate the style in which you went about in your intro. It is clever that you incorporated dialogues and an actual story to foreshadow the other tales of creation in your storybook. The only thing I may suggest is to incorporate action beat dialogues in the intro. Instead of utilizing traditional dialogue style, action beat dialogues will help you elevate your portrayal of each creation tale. I look forward to reading all the upcoming tales in your storybook!
Hi Abby. This week we are to focus on the images everyone has used on their sites. I love that you used an image of Samsara as the banner image for your home page and Intro. Samsara is such an interesting concept. And looking at the image you used sent me down the Wikipedia rabbit hole. I didn't realize that Samsara was a post-Vedic concept. The image you used of the Tridevi on the Intro is perfect. Speaking of perfect, that image of Vishnu pulling Manu's Ark is a hoot!! How did you find that? One thing that might help with The Golden Egg and The Great Fish is to use another image in addition to the banner image. I say this as someone who has so far just used banner images on my own project, but the pictures you've selected are quite good and in some cases might be better served as more than a banner. If that makes any sense. Either way this project is great! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHey Abby! I really enjoyed your stories on creation. The challenge for this week was to focus on the images used by authors. I really enjoyed your header images, but I do think your stories would benefit from some images that break up the text. The long black and white stories are not typically what you'd find on the internet when reading for fun, and I think even one more picture to break up the paragraphs for each story would be super helpful. I did think your header images were amazing. Maybe you could move those to help break up the text?
ReplyDeleteOnto other comments for your stories. I thought the stories were written brilliantly! I did not really have any criticism on content of your stories. However, one bit of confusion I had was that you mentioned that Manu was man in your author's note for "The Great Fish". So what were the other kings that were more corrupt? Were there multiple species and the gods decided that man was the least corrupt of all species? Or were the other kings also men but just corrupt? If you expand on your story, I would be interested to hear about this.
Hi Abby, creation stories of any sort are always incredibly fascinating to me, and this is no different! The writing style you've adopted for your project works wonderfully. The dialogue between the characters feels natural and flows nicely; I especially enjoy them interrupting the story. One of my favorite lines is "Do you think the humans hearing your story will be able to imagine this timelessness?" Eternity is such a mindblowing concept that I've struggled to understand for a long time. Humans are used to everything having a beginning and an end and cannot simply, "let go of time in their conscious awareness." The Great Fish is just as fascinating, although this one follows along more closely with a savior story. You mention in your note that the universe is already established; does this story have an accepted accompanying creation? Either way, I really enjoy the direction you're taking your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! I love your topic. I've always found creation stories interesting myself. I liked your intro and how it set up all the different stories in it. I really appreciated how deep you took the thinking. It's true that as humans we have an issue leaving the idea of a sense of time. It's always cool to me to see similarities in stories. The Great Fish definitely reminded me of Noah's Ark. I liked the points in the Churning of the Ocean about everything going back to the Ocean. It would've been neat if the first could pull in something about it as well showing a theme throughout. I thought it was very well written. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Abby! The idea of creation stories is very interesting and a new thing for me. The intro that you wrote is really well done in giving a story for how all the other stories are set up. Throughout your stories there are some really good links to the relation of the stories to things related in the real world. In Churning of the Ocean, the idea of everything going back to the ocean was a very interesting point.
ReplyDeleteThroughout your stories you really do a good job on structuring the dialogue that keeps the stories flowing in a easy to read format. The ideas you have for these stories are really well thought out and your deep thinking into the meaning of the stories and how they relate to our readings in the class are well done.
Hey Abby!
ReplyDeleteI have not actually read any of your stories for your page so I was excited to see something new! Because these are due very shortly and I do not know if you will see this in time, I am going to leave some pretty general comments. I really enjoyed your page and the stories that you told. I loved the Giant Fish one in particular. The only thing I noticed is that your home page had very minimal stuff on it, which is fine, mine did too, but seeing it maybe could have had some extra stuff on it. Also, the headings that you had were sometimes blurry. In the story "churning of the ocean" I could not decipher what the picture was. I did enjoy in the stories where you would put the original words in a different font so that we could tell what it was and distinguish it from the original writing. Overall, great job and i hope you show these stories to others because you did great!